


My Ineffable

by CandyQueenAO3



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Blood Drinking, Bottom Crowley (Good Omens), Crack, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Does This Count as Self-cest?, Humor, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Just Unrepentant Crack, Lord Forgive me for What I'm About to Do..., M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parody, She/Her Pronouns for Dagon (Good Omens), They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), They/Them Pronouns for Pollution (Good Omens), Top Aziraphale (Good Omens), idk and idc, they/them pronouns for Michael
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:01:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 14,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24333259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CandyQueenAO3/pseuds/CandyQueenAO3
Summary: ...someone had to do it, and that someone is ME! (A GO re-telling of "My Immortal")
Relationships: Aziraphale/Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 130
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im demonik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) dani, cinnabarmint 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Aziraphale ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! Queen ROX!

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Hi my name is Anthony Janthony Ashtoreth Fire Crowley and I have long fiery red hair (that’s how I got my name) with black streaks and purple tips that reaches my mid-back and snakey yellow eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like David Tenant (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Freddie Mercury but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a demon but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I live in a magic place called Mayfair in England where I secure souls for hell (I’m 6,000). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black shirt with matching lace around it and a black leather pants, and black combat boots. I was wearing black nailpolish, white foundation, and black eyeliner. I was walking outside Mayfair. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of humans stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.  
  
“Hey Crowley!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Aziraphale!  
  
“What’s up Aziraphale?” I asked.  
  
“Nothing.” he said shyly.  
  
But then, I heard my co-workers call me and I had to go away.

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AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Fangz 2 cinnabarmint 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW heaven stop flaming ma story ok!  
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The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door and sat on my throne and drank some wine from a bottle I had. My throne was golden gold and on it was a blood red velvet cushion with red tassels on the ends. I got out of my throne and took of my giant Queen t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather jacket, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black jeans on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My roommate, Eric (AN: Dani dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. He flipped his tall pointy raven black hair with pink streaks and opened his chcolate-brown eyes. He put on his Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini short, and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (white foundation and black eyeliner.)

“OMFG, I saw you talking to Aziraphale yesterday!” he said excitedly.

“Yeah? So?” I said, blushing.

“Do you like Aziraphale?” he asked as we went out of the flat and into the sidewalk.

“No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted.

“Yeah right!” he exclaimed. Just then, Aziraphale walked up to me.

“Hi.” he said.

“Hi.” I replied flirtily.

“Guess what.” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, Velvet Underground are having a concert in Soho.” he told me.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love VU. They are my favorite band, besides Queen.

“Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked.

I gasped.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY ANGELZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da demonik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN DANI! oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis or da lyrics 4 Velvet Undargrond.  
  
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On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Then I put on a black leather jacket with all this spikyky stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some wine so I was ready to go to the concert.  
  
I went outside. Aziraphale was waiting there in front of his flying scooter. He was wearing a Sting t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy white skater pants, white nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl angelz wer it ok!).  
  
“Hi Aziraphale!” I said in a depressed voice.  
  
“Hi Crowley.” he said back. We walked onto his flying pink X-Pro 150cc (the license plate said 777) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to VU and Freddie Mercury. When we got there, we both hopped out of the scooter. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Velvet Underground.  
  
“Here he comes, he's all dressed in black  
Beat up shoes and a big straw hat.

He's never early, he's always late

First thing you learn is that you always gotta wait.” sang Lou (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song).  
  
“Lou is so fucking hot.” I said to Aziraphale, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.  
  
Suddenly Azirphale looked sad.  
  
“What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.  
  
“Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said.  
  
“Really?” asked Aziraphale sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.  
  
“Really.” I said.  
  
The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Aziraphale. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Lou for his autograph and photo with him. We got VU concert tees. Aziraphale and I crawled back onto the X-Pro 150cc, but Aziraphale didn’t go back into Mayfair, instead he drove the car into……………………… Hell!


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I sed stup flaming ok crowley's name is CROWLYE nut gary stu OK! AZIRAPHALE IS SOO IN LUV wif him dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!  
  
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“AZIRAPHALE!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”  
  
Aziraphale didn’t answer but he stopped the flying scooter and he climbed out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.  
  
“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.  
  
“Crowley?” he asked.  
  
“What?” I snapped.  
  
Aziraphale leaned in extra-close and I looked into his angelic blue eyes (he wasn't wearing color contacts) which revealed so much joyous happiness and goodness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.  
  
And then…………… suddenly just as I Aziraphale kissed me passionately. Aziraphale climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a bathtub. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.  
  
“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….  
  
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”  
  
It was…………………………………………………….Gabriel!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.  
  
AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a hevenly beign! Da only reson Gabreil swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five Kodus!  
  
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Gabriel made and Aziraphale and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.  
  
“You ludacris fools!” he shouted.  
  
I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Aziraphel comforted me. When we went back to Heaven Gabriel took us to Archangel Sandalphon and Archangel Uriel who were both looking very angry.  
  
“They were having sexual intercourse in Hell!” he yelled in a furious voice.  
  
“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Archangel Uriel.  
  
“How dare you?” demanded Archangel Sandalphon.  
  
And then Aziraphel shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!”  
  
Everyone was quiet. Gabriel and Archangel Uriel still looked mad but Archangel Sandalphon said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your Earth.”  
  
Aziraphale and I went down the escalators while the archangels glared at us.  
  
“Are you okay, Crowley?” Aziraphale asked me gently.  
  
“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to my flat and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length ribe with red lace all around it and black high heels boots. When I came out….  
  
Aziraphale was standing in front of the door, and he started to sing ‘After hours’ by Velvet Underground. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his bookshop.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: shjt up angelz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me Kodus!  
  
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The next day I woke up in my bed. I put on a black minishort that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears.  
  
In the Ritz, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with wine instead of milk, and a glass of red wine also. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the wine spilled over my top.  
  
“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a angelic boy with spiky blonde hair. He didn’t have glasses. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Michael Sheen. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I didn’t get one you sicko.  
  
“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.  
  
“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.  
  
“My name’s A.Z. Fell, although most people call me Angel these days.” he grumbled.  
  
“Why?” I exclaimed.  
  
“Because I love the taste of angel cake.” he giggled.  
  
“Well, I am a demon.” I confessed.  
  
“Really?” he whimpered.  
  
“Yeah.” I roared.  
  
We sat down to talk for a while. Then Aziraphale came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


	7. But most of the best things aint free

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 kodus. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Crovley isn’t a Garie Stu ok he isn’t perfect HES A DEMNO! n he has problemz hes depressed 4 godz sake!  
  
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Aziraphale and I held our pale white hands as we went upstairs to his flat. I was wearing red Demonic sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Garu Stu 2 u?). I waved to Angel. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Aziraphale. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Aziraphale. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………  
  
We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt my chest before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather jacket and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)  
  
“Oh Aziraphale, Aziraphale!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Aziraphale's arm. It was a white heart with an arrow through it. On it in glittery angelic writing were the words………… Angel!  
  
I was so angry.  
  
“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.  
  
“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Aziraphale pleaded. But I knew too much.  
  
“No, you fucking idiot!” I shouted.  
  
I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Aziraphale ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Angel’s heaven office where he was having a discussion with Archangel Sandalphon and some other angels.  
  
“ANGEL FELL, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a angle!  
  
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Everyone in Haven stared at me and then Aziraphale came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.  
  
“Crowley, it’s not what you think!” Aziraphale screamed sadly.  
  
My friend Beelzebub smiled at me understatedly. They flipped their long waste-length gothic black hair and opened their crimson eyes like blood that they was wearing contact lenses on. They had pale white skin that they were wearing white makeup on. Beelzebub was kidnapped when they were an angel and became a demon. They still have nightmares about it and they are very haunted and depressed. (Since they have converted to Satanism they are a Demon now not Angel. )  
  
“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Sandalphon demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.  
  
“Angel, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Aziraphale!” I shouted at him.  
  
Everyone gasped.  
  
I don’t know why Crowley was so mad at me. I had went out with Angel for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Oscar, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was a bit of a bastard. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)  
  
“But I’m not going out with Aziraphale anymore!” said Angel.  
  
“Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into Hell where I had lost my virility to Aziraphale and then I started to bust into tears.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9.  
  
AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red da book! dis is frum da show ok so itz nut my folt if Gbariel swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson sandlphone dosent lik angel now is coz hes christian and angel is a christian 2 and dey hate each othr! Queen ROX!  
  
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I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Aziraphale for cheating on me. I began to cry against the bathtub where I did it with Aziraphale.  
  
Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red skin and horns and everything started flying towards me on his bat wings! It was…… Satan!  
  
“No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Satan used his miracles and I couldn’t run away.  
  
I shouted at him and used my own miracles. Satan fell doon and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped.  
  
“Crowley.” he yelled. “Thou must kill A.Z. Fell!”  
  
I thought about Angel and his sexah eyes and his angelic white hair and how his face looks just like Michawl Sheen. I remembered that Aziraphale had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Aziraphale went out with Angel before I went out with him and they broke up?  
  
“No, Satan!” I shouted back.  
  
Satan gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged.  
  
“Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Aziraphale!”  
  
“How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way.  
  
Satan got a dude-ur-so-stupid look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Angel, then thou know what will happen to Aziraphale!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his bat wings.  
  
I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Aziraphale came into Hell.  
  
“Aziraphale!” I said. “Hi!”  
  
“Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad.  
  
“Are you okay?” I asked.  
  
“No.” he answered.  
  
“I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled.  
  
“That’s okay.” he said all happy and we went back to Mayfair together making out.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: stup it u jerks if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out beezlebub isn’t a angel afert al n they ar evil datz y dey movd sides ok!  
  
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I was really scared about Santa all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my demonic metal band Bloody Demonic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between Velvet Underground, Sting and Queen. The other people in the band are Beelzebub, Angel, Aziraphale, Ligur (He has black hair with blue streaks in it.) and Dagon. Only today Aziraphale and Angel were depressed so they weren’t coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Aziraphale was probably putting himself in danger for crepes (he wouldn’t die because he was an angel and the only way you can kill an angel is with h-e-l-l-l-f-i-r-e (there’s no way I’m writing that) or a celestial sowrd) and Angel was probably watching a hapy movie like Snow White. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my chest and tiny matching minishorts that said Queen on the butt. You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not.  
  
We were singing a cover of ‘White Light/White Heat’ and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.  
  
“Crowley! Are you OK?” Beelzebub asked in a concerted voice.  
  
“What the fuck do you think?” I asked angrily. And then I said. “Well, Satan came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Angel! But I don’t want to kill him, because, he’s really nice, even if he did go out with Aziraphale. But if I don’t kill Angel, then Satan, will fucking kill Aziraphale!” I burst into tears.  
Suddenly Aziraphale jumped out from behind a wall.  
  
“Why didn’t you fucking tell me!” he shouted. “How could you- you- you fucking poser bitch!” (c is dat out of character?)  
  
I started to cry and cry. Aziraphale started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.  
  
We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Gabrile walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause he had a headache.  
  
“What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Crowley Aziraphale has been found in his room. He committed suicide by burning in hellfire.”


	11. Chapter 11

AN: i sed stup flaming up angelz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend dani 4 hleping me!  
  
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“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! Beelzebub tried to comfort me but I told them fuck off and I ran to my flat crying myself. Gabriel chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my flat cause he would look like a perv that way.  
  
Anyway, I started crying tears of blood. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Queen song at full volume. I grabbed a thermos of holly water and almost drank it to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut robe with lace all over it sandly. I put on black shoes with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snadalphon was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Mickhael was masticating to it! They were flying on their wings.  
  
“EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PERVS OR WHAT!” I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Freddie Mercury on it. Suddenly Angel ran in.  
  
I took my gun and shot Sandalphon and Michaele a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Gabriela ran in. “Crowley, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he shouted looking at Sandalphon and Micheal and then he waved his hand and suddenly…  
  
Dagno ran outside and said everyone we need to talk.  
  
“What do you know, Dagno? You’re just a little fishie!”  
  
“I MAY BE A FISHIE….” Dargon paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A DEMON!”  
  
“This cannot be.” Sandal said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where my gun had shot him. “There must be other factors.”  
  
“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.  
  
Michkal held up the camera triumelephantly. “The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!”  
  
I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you drink too much wine.  
  
“Why are you doing this?” Miichael said angrily while she rubbed her dirty hands on her sheirt.  
  
And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from her. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to crush hher because I felt faint.  
  
“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Dargon said and she paused dramitaclly, waving her hand in the air. Then she in singing to the tune of a demonic version of a song by Queen.  
  
“Because you’re demonik?” Sandalphon asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant she was connected with Satan.  
  
“Because I LOVE HIM!”


	12. Chapter 12

how du u no sandalpho iz kristian plus dargon isn’t really in luv wif crowley dat was newt ok!  
  
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I was about to kill myself again with the holy water that Aziraphael had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.  
  
“NO!” I THOUGHT IT WAS DARIgon but it was Angel. He started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his blue whites.  
  
I stopped. “How did u know?”  
  
“I saw it!”  
  
“NO!” I ran up closer.  
  
“then I had a vision of what was happening to Aziraphale…………….Satna has him bondage!”  
  
Anyway I was in the hospital now recovering from my holy water burns. Sandalpho and Mikael and DAGHON were there too. They were going to jail after they recovered cause they were pervs and you can’t have those fucking pervs running heaven and hell with lots of hot demonz and angelz. Gabriel had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.  
  
Anyway Dargon came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.  
  
“Croley I need to tell u somethnig.” she said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.  
  
“Fuck off.” I told her. “You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don’t like fucked up preps like you.” I snapped. Dargon had been mean to me before for being diffrent.  
  
“No Cowrley.” Dargon says. “Those are not roses.”  
  
“What, are they demonz too you poser prep?” I asked cause I was angry that she had brought me pink roses.  
  
“I saved your life!” She yelled angrily. “No you didn’t I replied.” “You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Sandalpho and Mikael.” Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it she added silently.  
  
“Whatever!” I yelled angirly.  
  
She pointed at the pink roses. “These aren’t roses.” She suddenly looked at them with an evil look in her eye and muttered She'll turn once more To sunday's clown and Cry behind the door! .  
  
“That’s not a spell that’s an VU song.” I corrected her wisely.  
  
“I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes.” Then she screamed. “Money is like us in time(4 all u cool demnoik vu fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for dani I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!”  
  
And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew she wasn’t a prep.  
  
“OK I believe you now wtf is Azirlaphale?”  
  
Daygon rolled her eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.  
  
“U c, Cowwley,” Gabryel said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?”  
  
“I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN ANGEL!” Dargon yelled. gABeriyl lookd shockd. I guess he didn’t have a headache or else he would have said something back.  
  
Daygin stormed off back into hern bed. “U r a liar, arch gabreill!”  
  
Anyway when I got better I went home and put on a black leather shirt that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some spiky stuff on the front. Then I put on black tight pants and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Freddie Mercury on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don’t know who she iz ur a angel so fuk off!) and I put on black eyeliner and black lip gloss.  
  
“You look kawai, boy.” Beezlebub said sadly. “Fangs (geddit) you do too.” I said sadly too, but I was still upset.I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Sandaplo and Mikael couldn’t spy on me this time. I went to some temptations. Angel was there. He looked all depressed because Aziraphale had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Aziraphale. He was saving a baby.  
  
“Hi.” he said in a depressed way. “Hi back.” I said in an wqually said way.  
  
We both looked at each other for some time. Aziraphale had beautiful blue angelic eyes so much like Aziraphales. Then……… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.  
  
“STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Arhcnagle Ureel who was watching us and so was everyone else.  
  
“Angel you fucker!” I said slapping him. “Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Aziraphale!” I shouted and then I ran away angrily.  
  
Just then he started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his blue whites.  
  
“NO!” I ran up closer.

"I had a vision of what was happening to Aziraphale…………….Santa has him bondage!”  
  
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SPECIAL FANGZ 2 DANI MY DEMONIK BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111  
  
HEY DANI DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I


	13. Chapter 13

AN: dani fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of freddie but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! ANGELZ STOP FLAMIGNG!  
  
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Angel and I ran up the escalators looking for Gabriel. We were so scared.  
  
“Gabrel Gabrile!” we both yelled. Gabriel came there.  
  
“What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” he asked angrily.  
  
“Zatan has Aziraphale!” we shouted at the same time.  
  
He laughed in an evil voice.  
  
“No! Don’t! We need to save Aziraphale!” we begged.  
  
“No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Satan does to Aziraphale. Not after how much he misbehaved at work especially with YOU Crowley.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away. Angel started crying. “My Aziraphale!” he moaned.  
  
“Its okay!” I tried to tell him but that didn’t stop him. He started to cry more. Then he had a brainstorm. “I had an idea!” he exclaimed.  
  
“What?” I asked him.  
  
“You’ll see.” he said. He held out his hands and did a spell. Then…… suddenly we were in Satn's lair!  
  
We ran just as we heard a croon voice saying spells.

It was……………………………….. Satan!


	14. Chapter 14

AN: fuk off ANGELZ ok! Dani fangz 4 helpin agen. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 kadus!  
  
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WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.  
  
We ran to where SAthan was. It turned out that Satan wasn’t there. Instead the froggy guy who screamed like a little girl was. Aziraphale was there crying tears of gold. Hastur was torturing him. Angel and I ran in front of Hastur.  
  
“Rid my sight you despicable preps!” he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. “CrowleyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme.” he said.  
  
“Huh?” I asked.  
”Corwely I love you will you have sex with me?” asked Hastur. I started laughing crudely. “What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard.” I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.  
  
“Nooooooooooooo!” he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly.  
  
“Hastur what art thou doing?” called Satan. Then…… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we opened our wings and we flew to Earth. We went to my flat. Angel went away. There I started crying.  
  
“What’s wrong honey?” asked Aziraphale taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a soft tummeh (cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.  
  
“Its so unfair!” I yielded. “Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other demons and angels here except for Beelzebub, because they're not ugly or anything.”  
  
“Why would you wanna be ugly? I don’t like the others anyway. They are such fucking jerks.” answered Aziraphale.  
  
“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Sandalphon and Mikael took a video of me naked. Dargon says she’s in love with me. Angel likes me and now even Hstur is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Aziraphale! Why couldn’t God have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory corwly isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told him hes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk! fangz 2 dani 4 hlpein!  
  
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“Crowley Crowley!” shouted Aziraphale sadly. “No, please, come back!”  
  
But I was too mad.  
  
“Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Angel!” I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Freddie Mercury on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Aziraphale and Angel. I started to cry and weep. I drank wine all depressed. Then I looked at my black VU watch and noticed it was time to go do my Temptations.  
  
I put on a ripped black gothic shirt that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black jeans and boots that said Freddie all over them with blood red letters. I put my fiery red hair out. Anyway I went outside feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Temptation work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Aziraphale!  
  
“Corwley I love you!” he shouted sadly. “I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful man in the world. Before I met you I used to want to do good deeds all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!.” Then……………. he started to sing “Rock & Roll” (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Lou was singing it) right in front of the entire city! His singing voice was so amazing and angelic and sexxy like a cross between Freddie and Lou (AN: don’t u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) .  
  
“OMFG.” I said after he was finished. Some fucking people stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Aziraphale's now) at them. “I love you!” I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Mikael shouted at us but she stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that VU would have a concert in Soho right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.


	16. Chapter 16

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut angelz! dani u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Dani wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!  
  
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We ran happily to Soho. There we saw the stage where VU had played. We ran in happly. VU were there playing ‘Sweet Jane’. I was so fucking happy! Lou looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Aziraphale thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn’t matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather jacket and black leather platinum boots with red ripped jeans. Aziraphale was wearing a white baggy Sting t-shirt and white baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Sweet Jane. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Lou pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn’t them at all. It was.,……………………….. Sasan and da Dark Councilers!  
  
“Wtf Aziraphale im not going to a concert wid u!” I shouted angrily. “Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its VU n u no how much I lik them”  
  
“What cause we…you know…” he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don’t like to talk a bout you-know-what.  
  
“Yeah cause we you know!” I yielded in an angry voice.  
  
“We won’t do that again.” Aziraphale promised. “This time, we’re going with an ESCORT.”  
  
“OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?” I asked. “So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?”  
  
“NO.” he muttered loudly.  
  
“R u becoming a prep or what?” I shootd angrily.  
  
“Corwley! I’m not! Pls come with me!” He fell down to his knees and started singing ‘venus in furs’ by VU to me.  
  
I was flattened cause he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!  
  
“OK then I guess I will have to.” I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.  
  
Beezelbub was standing there. “Hajimemashite man.” they said happily (they spek Japanese so do i. dat menz ‘how do u do’ in japanese). “BTW Eric that fucking poser got killd. he failed al his temptatioons and he skepped them.” (an: DANI U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)  
  
“It serves that fuking bich right.” I laughed angrily.  
  
Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some demonik movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas.  
  
“Kawai.” Beezlebeb shook their head enrgtically lethrigcly.   
  
“Kawai.” I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.  
  
“OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with azirafale tonight in Soho with vu.” I sed. “ I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA.”  
  
Beelzaibab Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. “Omfg totally lets go shopping.”  
  
“In Hot Topic, right?” I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.  
  
“No.” My head snaped up.  
  
‘WHAT?” my head spuin. I could not believe it. “Beelzebub are u an ANGEL?”  
  
“NOOOO!NOOOO!” They laughed. “I found some cool demonik stores near Mayfair that’s all.”  
  
“Hu told u abut them” I askd sure it would be Azirapfeale or Ligure or Angel(don’t even SAY that nam to me!). Or me.  
  
“Gabryel.” They sed.  
  
“OMFFG GABRYEKL?” I asked quietly.  
  
“Yah I saw the map for Soho on his desk.” They told me. “Come on let’s go.”  
  
We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Soho. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN FREDDIE EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few clothes. “We only have these for da real demonz.”  
  
“Da real demonz?” Me and Beezleebub asked.  
  
“Yah u wouldn’t believe how many angels ther are in this town man! Yesterday mikael and sandalpo tried to buy a demonik camera pouch.” He shook his head. “I dint even no they had a camera.”  
  
“OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!” I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black robe with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.  
  
“Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit” The salesperson said.  
  
“Yeah it looks totlly hot.” said Beelzebub.

“You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?” he asked.  
  
“Yeah I am actually.” I looked back at him. “Hey BTW my name’s antony janthony astoreth CROWLEY crowley what’s yours?”  
  
“Lucifer Morning.” He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. “maybe I’ll see you there tonight.”  
  
“Yeah I don’t think so cause I am going there with my bf azirafale you sick perv!” I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Dargon flew in on her black wings looking worried. “OMFG CORWLSEY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO LONDON NOW!”


	17. Chapter 17

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur an angel den dnot red it! if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz eric isn’t rely a prep. Dani plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!  
  
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Lucifer Morningstar gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. Dargin kept shooting at us to cum back 2 London. “WTF Dargon?” I shouted angrily. “Fuck off you fjucking bastard.” Well anyway Eric came. Dargno went away angrily.  
  
“Hey bitch you look kawaii.” he said.  
  
“Yah but not as kawaii as you.” I answered sadly cause Eric's really pretty and everything. He was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots. He had a really nice body and everything.  
  
“So r u going 2 da concert wif Aziraphale?” he asked.  
  
“Yah.” I said happily.  
  
“I’m gong with Ligure.” he anserred happily. Well anyway Aziraphale and Ligure came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Ligure was wearing a black t-shirt that said ‘666’ on it. He was wearing tons off makeup. Aziraphale was wearing white leather pants, an angelic white Sting t-shirt and white Vans. Beelzebut was going 2 da concert wif da Quartermaster. da Quartermaster used to be a demon but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were angels. They dyed in a car crash. da Quartermaster converted to Christianity and he went angelic. He was an angel now. He was wearing a white t-shirt, white jeans and shoes and brown hair wif funny sideburns. Well anyway we al went 2 Aziraphale's pink X-Pro 150 that his mom God gave him. Aziraphale and I made out. We soon got there…….I gapsed.  
  
Lou was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had curly chocolate bown hair n piercing brown eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing voice. We moshed 2 Venus in Furs and sum odder songz. Sudenly Lou polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn’t Lou at all! It was an ugly demon wif red skin and black eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Aziraphale. Aziraphale and I came. It was…….Stana and da Dark Councilers!  
  
“U moronic idiots!” he shooted angstily. “Corwely, I told u to kill Angel. Thou have failed. And now……….I shall kill thou and Aziraphale!”  
  
“No no please!” We begged sadly but he took out his knife.  
  
Sudenly a demonic man flu in on his wings. He had lung black hair. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a miracel and Staan ran away. It was…………………………………GABRYEL!


	18. Chapter 18

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken angel! fangz 2 dani 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson gabreile swor is koz he trin 2 be demonik so der!  
  
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I woke up the next day in my bed. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, and a black really low-cut leather robe that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly.  
  
(Da night before Aziraphale and I rent back to London. Gabreil chased Staan away. We flew there on our wwings . Mine were black and the long-feathers were blood-red. Aziraphale had white wings. We went back to our flats and we had you-know-what to a Queen song.)  
  
Well anyway I went down to the Rits. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of heavenly bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.  
  
“WTF!” I shouted going to sit next to Beelzebub and Eric. Beelzebub was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Eric was wearing a long gothic blak robe with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and jeans. Angel, The Quartermaster and Aziraphale came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Lou or Freddie Mercury.

“Those guys are so fucking hot.” The Qauertermaster was saying as suddenly a demonic man with black hair and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Staan yesterday. He had normal skin but he was wearing white foundation.  
  
“……………….GABRIEL?1!” we all gasped.  
  
“WTF?” I shouted angrily. “I thought he was just wearing that to scare Sasan!”  
  
“Hello everyone.” he said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?”  
  
Everyone from the other poser tables started to cheer. Well we celestial being just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a poser he was!1.  
  
“BTW you can call me Gabe.” HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our jobs.  
  
“What a fucking poser!” Aziraphale shouted angrily as we we to do the Arrangement. We were holding hands. Angel looked really jealous. I could see him crying gold in an angelic way but I didn’t say anything. “I bet he’s havin a mid-life crisis!” Eric shouted.  
  
I was so fucking angry.


	19. cannut take it anymore

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken angel n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men coments!111 BTW cwowlei a prince so der!1 fangz 2 dani 4m da help!11  
  
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All day we sat angerly finking about Gaberill. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da VU concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go.  
  
Anyway, I went to the bookshop sadly to cut work. Aziraphale was being all secretive.  
  
I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve guyz so hot).  
  
“No one fucking understands me!1” he shouted angrily as his white hare went in his big blue eyes. He was wearing white baggy paints, a white Sting t-shirt and a white die. (geddit insted of tie koz im demonik) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it blak leather mini shorts, and black high held boots. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun. (email me if u wana see da pik)  
  
“Accuse me? What about me!” I growled.  
  
“Buy-but-but-” he grunted.  
  
“You fucking bastard!” I moaned.  
  
“No! Wait! It’s not what it fucking looks like!” he shouted.  
  
But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Aziraphale banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces..   
  
Suddenly Dargon came. She had telkeproted.  
  
“You gave me a fucking shock!” I shouted angrily.. “Wtf do you fink you’re doing in ma room?”  
  
Only it wasn’t just Dargon. Someone else was with her too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Lucifer Morn or maybe Aziraphale but it was Gabryel.  
  
“Hey I need to ask you a question.” he said, pulling out his black wanabe-dmeonik purse. “What are u wearing to the concert?”  
  
“U no who VU r!” I gasped.  
  
“No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of demonz and humanz were going 2.” He said. “Anyway Aziraphale has a surprise for u.”


	20. Chapter 20

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok angelz!1 fangz 2 dani 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.  
  
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All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak shirt with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. VU were gong 2 do the concert again, since Saxan had taken over the last one. I moshed 2 VU in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Heroin. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Aziraphale so we could do it again.  
  
“Wut de fucking hell r u doing!” I shouted angrily. It was Mikael! “R u gonna cum perv on me or what.” I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Gabryel had told us all 2 be careful around hur and Sandalpho since he was a creep.  
  
“No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns.” she growld angrily.  
  
“Yah, so u can fuk ur hand, huh?” I shouted sarkastikally.  
  
“Fuker.” She said, gong away.  
  
Well anyway, I put on some black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped…………………………………………………………….Sandalphone and Mikael were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Newt was watching!1  
  
“Oh my god you ludacris idiot!” they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Newt ran away crying. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing peeple do it) but both of them were fuking angels.  
  
“WTF is that why u wanted condoms?” I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)  
  
“Only you wouldn’t give them to me!” Michaela shouted angrily.  
  
“Well you shoulda told me.” I replayed.  
  
“You dimwit!.” Sandalphone began 2 shoot angrily. And then………I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything.  
  
“Well xcuse me!” they both shouted angrily. “What was dat al about?”  
  
“It wuz to blackmail u.” I snarked. “So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I’ll show dis to Gabrielle. So fuck off, u bastards!” I started to run. They chased me but I threw my shoo at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Angel, looking extremely fucking hot.  
  
“WTF where’d Aziraphale?” I asked him.  
  
“Oh he’s bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn’t cum.” Angel said shaking his hed. “U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?”  
  
Then….. he showed me his flying scooter. I gasped. It was a white scooter. He said his mum God had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed STING777 on it. The one on da back said ‘CORWLEY’ on it.  
  
……….I gasped.  
  
We flew to the concert hall. VU were there, playing.  
  
Angel and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.  
  
I almost had an orgasim. Lou was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing ‘I'm Waiting for the Man’ and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ……….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Aziraphale, cryin in a corner.


	21. Chapter 21

AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich danie cuz it fok u angelz!1 woopz soz dani fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!  
  
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Later we all went in my fat. Aziraphale was crying in da corner. “Aziraphale are u okay?” I asked in a demonic voice.  
  
“No I’m not u fuking bitch!” he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place. I stated to cry cuz I was worried.  
  
“Its ok Cworley.” said Angel comfortly. “Ill make him feel better.”  
  
“U mean you’ll go fuck him wont you!” I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Aziraphale. Angel came too.  
  
“Aziraphale please come!” he began to cry. Tears of gold came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)  
  
And then………………………….. we herd sum footsteps! Angel got out his invincibility miracle. We both used it. We saw the them leader Dog there, shouting angrily.  
  
“WHOSE THERE!” he shouted angrily. We saw Adamn come. He sensed us and started to bark loudly.  
  
“IS ANY1 THERE!” yelled Dog.  
  
“No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!” Angel said under his breast in a disgusted way.  
  
“EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!” yelled Dog. Den he heard Adam bark. “Adamn is der any1 der” he asked. Adamn nodded. And then……………………….Angle frenched me! He did it jus as…………………….. Dog was spotting us!1  
  
“WHAT DA-” he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Aziraphale crying n bustin in2 tearz outside of da bookshop.  
  
“Azuraphake!” I cried. “R u okay?”  
  
“I guess though.” Aziraphale weeped. We went back to our beds frenching each other. Aziraphale and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the demonic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Shdwell and da Witchfinger Army walked into my flat!1


	22. Chapter 22

AN: stfu! angelz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz dug itz dani's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding dani u fokieng rok angelz suk!1  
  
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All day everyone talked about the Withchunter Army. Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my bedroom so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. Then I gasped.  
  
Standing in front of me where………………. B;eelzebub, Angel, Ligure, Azirapjhale, The Quartermaster and Eric!  
  
I opened my golden eyes. Eric was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that he wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Angel was wearing a baggy Sting t-shirt and baggy white pants and Vans. Aziraphale was wearing a white Sting t-shirt and whit jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Michael Sheen, and almost as fucking sexy. Angel looked like Michael Sheen. Beelzebub was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that they had ripped so it showed of all their clearage with a white apron that said ‘bich’ and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it. Postman (who is a postman) was there too. He was weaving a ripped gothic black shirt with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Newt and Anathema. It turns out that the Postman, Anathema and Newt became demonik and converted to Stanism.  
  
“OMFG” I yielded as I jumped up. “Why the fuck are u all here?”  
  
“Cworley something is really fucked up.” Aziraphalke said.  
  
“OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first.” I shouted angrily.  
  
“It’s all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful.” Aziraphale said in a sexy voice.  
  
“Oh all right.” I said smiling. “But you have to tell me why your being all erective.”  
  
“I will I will.” he said.  
  
So I just put on some black eyeliner, and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Ritzz and looked in from a widow. A fucking human called R.P. Tyler from Tadfieeld was standing next to us. He was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at him. Inside the Ritz we could see Gbariella. Shadwill was there shouting at Gabriel. Agnis Nooter was there too.  
  
“THIS CANNOT BE!” she shouted angrily. “THE CITY MUST BE CLOSED!”  
  
“THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE HUMANA!” yelled Shadwelle.  
  
“YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE AN ARCHANGEL ANY LONGER!” yelled Nooter. “YOU ARE TOO OLD AND DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR SATAN WILL KILL YOUR HUMANS!”  
  
“Very well.” Gabriel said angrily. “Butt we cannot do this. We can’t close the city. There is only one person who is capable of killing Satan and he is in the city. And his name is…………………………………………………………………..Antony Hanthony Ashtoreth Fire Crowley.”  
  
Aziraphale, Newt, Anathema, the Postmas, Eric, Anel and Beelzzebub looked at each other………I gasped.


	23. Chapter 23

AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 koduz!1 fangz 2 dani 4 da help n telin me bout da boox gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha!  
  
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The door opened and Agnees Nooter and Shadwelia stomped out angrily. Then Gabreel and Nooter sawed us.  
  
“MR. CROWLEY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!” Nooter shouted angrily. Gabriel blared at her.  
  
“Oops she made a mistake!” he corrupted her. “She means hi everybody cum in!”  
  
Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Postman and Aziraphale and opposite Beelzebub. Anathema and Newt started 2 make some magical jokes. I eight some Count Chocula and drank som wine from a cup. Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was………Angel! He and Aziraphale were shooting at eachother.  
  
“Angel, Aziraphale WTF?” I asked.  
  
“You fucking bustard!” yelled Aziraphale at Angel. “I want to shit next to him!1”  
  
“No I do!” shouted.  
  
“No he doesn’t fucking like u, you son of a bitch!” yelled Aziraphale.  
  
“No fuck you motherfucker he laves me not you!” shouted Angel. And then……………… he jumped on Aziraphale! (no not in dat way u perv) They started to fight and beat up each other.  
  
Gabrel yelled at them but they didn’t stop. All of a sudden…… a terrible man with red skin and horns flew in on his wings. He had dark eyes and was nothing. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Britney that fucking prep started to cry. Angel and Aziraphale stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent………………….Sazan!  
  
“Crohley…..Crowley…….” Darth Valer sed evilly in his raspy voice. “Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Angel as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Aziraphale too!”  
  
“Plz don’t make me kill him plz!” I begged.  
  
“No!” he laughed crudely. “Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!” Then he flew away cackling.  
  
I bust into tears. Aziraphale and Angel came to contort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and demonic. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Stanaa coming to kill Aziraphale while Aziraphale stepped into Hellfire in a depressed way.  
  
“No!” I screamed sexily. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.  
  
“Crowley Crowley aure you alright?” asked Aziraphale in a worried voice.  
  
“Yeah yeah.” I said sadly as I got up.  
  
“Everyfing’s all right Cowrley.” said Angel all sensetive.  
  
“No its not!” I shouted angrily. Tearz of blood went down my face. “OMFG what if I’m getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!”  
  
“Its ok boy.” said Bellzebub. “Maybe u should ask Carmine about what the visions mean though.”  
  
“Ok bich.” I said sadly and den we went.


	24. Chapter 24

AN: angelz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 dani fagz 4 di help!  
  
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Well we had work next so I got to ask Carmene about the visions.  
  
“Konnichiwa everybody come in.” said Carmuine in Japanese. She smelled at me with her blood red lipstick. She’s da coolest fucking horseman ever. She had long fiery red hair with red eyes. (she n beelzebb get along grate) She’s really pretty for a horseman. 2day she was wearing a black leather jacket with red lace and apokalyptik black ripped jeans.   
  
“What is it Crowley?” she asked. “Hey I love ur nail polish where’d u get it, Hot Topik?”  
  
“Yeah.” I answered. All the preps who didn’t know what HT was gave me weird looks. I gave them the middle finger. “Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?”  
  
“Ho about now?” she asked.  
  
“OK I’m having lotz of visions.” I said in a worried voice. I’m so worried is Aziraphale gong 2 die.  
  
Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it.  
  
“What do you c?” she asked.  
  
“I said I see a black demonic skull and a pentagram.”  
  
Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Aziraphale. He was looking really sexy wearing a white leather facet, a white angelic Sting t-shirt and white Congress shoes.  
  
“Okay you can go now, see ya cunt.” said Carmine.  
  
“Bye bitch.” I said waving.  
  
I went to Aziraphale and Angel was sitting next to him. We both followed Aziraphale together and I was so exhibited.


	25. Chapter 25

AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Aziraphale 2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da eicrz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 FUK UU!1 dani fangz for de help!1  
  
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I was so excited. I fellowed Aziraphale wandering if we where going 2 do it again. We went outside and then we went onto Aziraphale's white scooter.  
  
“Crowley what the fuck did Carmene say.” whispered Aziraphale potting his angelic hand with wchit nail polish on mine.  
  
“She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow.” I grumbled in a sexy voice. He started to fly the scooter into a tree. We went to the top of it. Aziraphale put on some Sting.  
  
“Now no one's knocked upon my door  
For a thousand years or more.” sang Gordon's sexy voice. We started tiling of each other’s cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong. I took of his tartan boxers. Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my hole sexily.  
  
“OMFG Aziraphale Aziraphale!” I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. Suddenly………… I fell asleep. I started having a dream. In it a guy was shooting two people.  
  
“No! Please don’t fucking kill us!1” they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away.  
  
“No! Oh my fucking god!11” I shouted in a scared voice.  
  
“Crowley what’s wrong?” Aziraphale asked me as I woke up opening my golden yellow eyes.  
  
I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Aziraphale to call Angel . He did it with his whit Stig mobile. Butt the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where……………………… Almtighty and Fameen!111


	26. Chapter 26

AN: ANGELZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng angel! U SUK!111  
  
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A few mutates later Angel came 2 da tree. He was wearing a whit leather jackson, white leather pants and a Sitng t-shirt.  
  
“Hi Angel.” I said flirtily as I started to sob. Aziraphale hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me. I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened.  
  
“Oh fuck it!” Angel shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly. “What fucking dick did that!”  
  
“I don’t know.” I said. “Now come on we have 2 tell Gabrel.”  
  
We ran out of the tree and in2 heaven. Gabryl was sitting in his office.  
  
“Sire the almighty and a horseman have been shot!” Aziraphale said while we wipped sum tears from his face. “Corwley had a vision in a dreem.”  
  
Babrel started to cockle. “Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Crowley's not divisional?”  
  
I glared at Gabriel.  
  
“Look motherfucker.” he said angrily as Gabreil gasped (c is da toot of crakter). “U know very well that I’m not decisional. Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Famines and The Almighty- pornto!”  
  
“Okay.” he said in a intimated voice. “Were are they?”  
  
I fought about it. Then all of a sudden….. “Longdon.” I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. After a few mistunes he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Aziraphale, Angel and I all left to our flats together. I went with Aziraphale to wait in the living room. We looked at each other’s, eyes. Then, we kissed. Suddenly Famines and the Almighty came in on stretchers……………………….and Carmine was behind them!1


	27. demoinz wil never hurt u

AN: u no wut!111 I dnot giv a fok wut u angelz fink abot me!1111 so stup flaming da foking story bichez!1111 fangz 2 dani 4 ur luv n sport n help i luv u gurl ddani u rok gurl!11111111111111111111  
  
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Every1 in the room stated to cry happly- I had saved them. Azirafale, The Almighty, Famine Angel all came to hug me. A nurse started to give them medicine.  
  
“Cum on Cowrley.” said Carmen. She was wearing a red leader dress with a corset top and real human blood on it and fuking red platinum boots. “I have to tell you the fucking perdition.”  
  
I locked at The Almighty, Famone, Azira and Angel. They nodded.  
  
I smelled happily and went into a dark room. I had changed Carmine took out some red cards. She started to look into a red crucible ball. She said……………………… “Anthony, I see drak times are near.” She said badly. She peered into da balls. “You see, you must go back in time.” She took out a magic time thiggny like Beelzebub had. “When Satin was in Heaven before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Saxan if he was in love?” I shook my head. “U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it.”  
  
“Okay.” I said sadly. We did dethz tuch sin. I went outside again sadly.  
  
“What fucking happened?” asked Aziraphale and Angel.  
  
“Yeah what happened?” asked The Postman, Eric and Beelzeebub?  
  
I was about to tell them butt every1 was there. They were celebrating The Almighty and Famine being fond. Everyone was proud of me butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Aziraphale. They were cheesing my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Gabryel. A banner was put up. Lotz of fucking angelz were there oviously tring 2 be b demonik wering the HIM sign on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of him. Even Dog looked happy. A blak and red cake had been brought out. Newt and Anatiema set up some fireworx in the shape of skulls.  
  
I used my Invisibility miracle with Angel and Aziraphale and we sneaked outside 2gether.


	28. Chapter 28

AN: I sed stop gflmaing da story it wuz a miskat wen carmina sed dat ok!11111111 GO 2 FOKENG HELL!1111 U SUK! fangz 2 ali 4 da help!1! dani hav fun!1111111  
  
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We went in2 a blak room. The wallz were blak with portraits of awesome bands lik VU, and Freddy Mercury all over them. A big black bed was in the middle. There were three thrones made of bones with real skullz in dem. I wuz wearing a blak shirt wif purple stuff on it, and a blak leather thong underneath.  
  
I sat down one of da thrones dispersedly. So did Azirafale and Angel.  
  
“Are you okay?” Angkle asked potting his albastard hand on mine. He was wearing white nail polish. I was wearing blak nail polish with red crosses on it.  
  
“Yah I guess.” I said sadly. Azirafale also pot his hand on mine sexily. I smiled sadly. “The problem is……………………….I have to seduce Saxan. Ill have 2 go bak in time”  
  
Aziraphale started to cry sadly. Angel hugged him.  
  
“Itz okay Cwowley.” he said finally. “But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?”  
  
“Of coarse not!” I gasped.  
  
“Really?” he asked.  
  
“Sure.” I said.  
  
We frenched sexily. Angel looked at us longingly.  
  
Then………… I took off Aziraphale's Sting shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a stallone. He had replaced the Angel tattoo that said Cowrley on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Michael Sheen. Angel took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4).  
  
I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.  
  
We started freching as we climbed onto the bed. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.  
  
“I love you Cwowley. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u.” he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Angel filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly………………………….  
  
“WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!”  
  
It was………………………….Sandal and Arcangel Urinel!111


	29. Chapter 29

AN: sot das fok up!11 ur jus jelouz koz ur angelz so fok u!1111 dani u rok gurl fangz 4 da help VU ROX 666!111111111111  
  
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“Oh my satan!1” we screamed as we jamped out of da bed. Sandalpho and Archangel Ureel started to shoot at us angrily.  
  
“CUM NOW!1!” Arkangle Urele yielded. We did guiltily. We left the room putting on our clothes. Sandalphone garbed the caramel and put it in his pocket.  
  
“Hey what the fuck!111” Angel shooted angrily.  
  
“Yeah buster what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?” Aziraphale demonded all protective, looking at me Longley with his angelic blue eyes. “Look, Himbriel noes your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to jail. So give back da camera!1111”  
  
Hahahaha the Witchfinder Armee thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. Sandalphone laughed meanly.  
  
“Yes so shut your mputh you inlosent fools!” yelled Arkangel Ureel. She made us cum into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these werid tools in it. Aziraphale started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom lol freddie mercury rulez 4 lif but nut as muxh as michael ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111).  
  
I started to cry tearz of blood (it hapnz in deemins dani sed so ok so fok u!1). Angel took out a white honkerchief and started to wipe my yellow eyes.  
  
And then……………….. he and Samdalphone both took out guns using miracles. They started to shoot each other angrily. Non of the ballots gut on eachodder yet. I used my miracles.

Sandalpho stated 2 scram he dropd da gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets. I STOPPED DA MIRACLE. Arhangel Ureel did a miracle so that we were all chained up. She took out a box of tools. Den she said “OK Sandalphon I’m going 2 go now.” She left. Sandalpho started to laugh evilly. Angel started to cry.  
  
“It’s ok Cworley.” said Aziraphale. “Evergreen will be all right. Remember the cideo u took of Sandal.”  
  
Sandalphon laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111


	30. Chapter 30

AN: stop flaming da story ok u dnot no wutz even gona happen ok!1111 so FUL U!111 if u flam u wil be a angel so al angelz kan kiss muh arse!111 soz 4 soz 4 sayin alzhimers is dongerous but datz da mysteries opinin koz sosiety basically sux. fangz 2 dani u rok bich!111  
  
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“No!11” we screamed sadly. Sandalpjo stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly. Then…………………… he came tords Azirafail!1! He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around Aziraphale and nit a candle.  
  
“What the fuck r u doing!” I shooted arngrily. Bananaphone laughed meanly. He polled up his sleeves. I gasped- there was a Paintagram on his wrist!11!  
  
He waved his hand and a nife came. He gave da knife 2 me.  
  
“U must stab Angle.” he said to me. “If u don’t then I’ll kil Aziraphale!1”  
  
“No you fucking bastrad!1” I yielded.  
  
But den Aziraphale looked at me sadly with his good anjelik blue eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy. He lookd exactly like Michael Sheen. But then I looked at Angel and he looked so smexy too wif his angelik white hair. I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Aziraphale and Gabryel came and the tame where Aziraphale almost died and Angel wuz so sportive.  
  
Sandal laughed angrily. He started to prey to Sacan. He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Aziraphale and Angel. Suddenly an idea I had. I clozd my eyes and using my demon powers I sent a telepathetic massage to Asiraphale and Angel so they would destruct Sandalphon.  
  
“Baberiel will get u!” Aziraphale shooted.  
  
“Yah just wait ubtil Haven find out!11” Angel yelled. Meanwhile I began to use a miracle.  
  
“You ridiculus dondderhed!111” Bananaphone yielded. Just as he was about to kill Aziraphale…………………….  
  
I shited using my mircackel . Bananaphone scremed and started running around da room screming. Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Famines. I stopped doing the miracle.  
  
“You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-” shooted Sandalphon but suddenly Famine came.  
  
Sandal put the whip behind his bak. “Oh hello Horse I wuz just telling them sumthing.” he lied. But suddenly the Allmighty and Horsmin War came in2 da room and they and Famines unlocked the chains and put dem around Sandalpho. Then Horsemin War said ‘Come on Crowley let’s go.”


	31. Chapter 31

AN: I sed shut da fok up u jarks!111 stop kalin crowley a gary su ok u dnot even no wutz gong 2 happen ok so fuk u!1111 fangz 2 muh bff dani 4 di help!1111  
  
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“I always knew u were on Satan's side, you sun of a bitca (bufy rox!111).” Famines said 2 Sandalphon.  
  
“No I’m not I was telling them somefing!1” Sandalphone clamed.  
  
“Oh fucking yeah?” I took some blak truthserum out of my poket and gave it to Sandalphon. He made Sandalphone dirnk it. He did arngrily. Then All Mighty took out a tape recorder and started playing it while She did miracles on Sandalphone. Then Horsemin War and The Almighty made us get out wif them while Sandalphon told his secretes. The Allmighy took Angle and Aziraphale to Raphael 4 healing after thanking me a millon times. Horsemin War took me to a dark room. Now I wuz going to go back in time to sedouce Saxan. Moving posters of Queen and Vlevet Undergrond were all over. Beelzebub, Leslie and Eric came too. Beelzebub gave me a blak bag from Luci Morn's store.  
  
“Whatz in da bag?” I asked Horsemin War.  
  
“U will c.” they said. I opened thee bag. In it was a sexy tite low-smut black leather demonic pants. there was a silt up da leg. I put it on. My frendz helped me put on blak pointy boots Eric had chosen. Eric and Beelzebub helped me put on black eyeliner.  
  
“You look fucking kawaii, bitch.” Beelzebub said.  
  
“Fangs.” I said.  
  
“Ok now you’re going to go back in tim.” said Horseman Waer. “U will have to do it in a few sessionz.” She gave me a blak gun. I put it in a strap on my pantx like in Redisnet Evill. Then she gave me a black pocket-watch. “After an hour use da pcoket wotch to go back here.” Horseman Ware said. Then she and Beelzebub put a mirror in front of me. Every1 went in front of it.  
  
“Good luk!1” Everryone shooted. Lesly and Eric gave me deth’s touch sin. Then……….. I jumped sexily in2 da mirror.  
  
Suddenly I was in teh street. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest demonic guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Michael Sheen in Twilight only black. He had gren eyes and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was…………………….Lucifer Morgigstare!1111


	32. Chapter 32

AN: I sed stup fflaming I no his nam iznt margigstare dat wuz a mistak!1111 if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111  
  
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“Hi.” I said flirtily. “Im Anhotny Crowley.” I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him.  
  
“Da name’s Lucifer.” he said. “But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam”  
  
We shok hands. “Well come on we have 2 go upstairs.” Satan said. I followed him. “Hey Satan……..do u happen to be a fan of Queen?” (sinz velvet undergroond dont exist yet den) I asked.  
  
“Oh my fuking god, how did u know?” Satan gasped.

“guess what they have a concert in sosho.” satan whispered.  
  
“sosho?” I asked.  
  
“yeah that’s what they used to call it in these time before it became Soho in 2000.” he told me all sekrtivly. “and theres a really cool shop called Hot-“  
  
‘topic!” I finshed, happy again.  
  
He froned confusedly. “noo its called Hot Ishoo.” He smiled skrtvli again. “then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic.” he moaned.  
  
“ohh.” now everything was making sense for me. “so is gabryel your bruther?” I shouted.  
  
“uh-huh.” he looked at his black nails. “i wuz an arkangle’”  
  
“OMfG” I SHRIEDKED.  
  
I SMELLED HAPPili.  
  
Suddenly gabryel flew in on his wings and started shredding at us angrily. he had short blak hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. “STUPID DEMONZ!”  
  
satan rolled his eyes. “his so mean to us demonz just becose we’re demonze and we’re not angels.”  
  
I turned around angrily. “actually I fink mebe its becos ur da lord uv barkness.”  
  
“wtf?” he asked angrily.  
  
“oh nuffin.” I said sweetly.  
  
then suddenlyn………………. the floor opened. “OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly.”  
  
“hey where r u goin?” satan asked as I fell.  
  
I got out of the hole n it was bak in the mirror in horseman war's room. gaperiel wuz dere. “gabryel I think I just met u.” I said.  
  
“oh yeah I rememba that.” gabryel said, trying to be all demonik.  
  
war came in. “hey dis is my room wait wtf cowrley what da hell r u doing?”  
  
:”um.” I looked at her.  
  
“oh yeaH I forgot bout that.”  
  
“wth how?” I screamed forgetting she was a horseman for a second. but shes evile so its ok.  
  
horseman wear looked sad. she started to cry black tears of sadness. gaybryel didn’t know about them.  
  
“hey r u crying tears of blood?” he asked curiously, tuching a tear.  
  
“fuck off!” we both said and gaybryel took his hand away.  
  
horseman ware started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. “omfg cowrley…I think im addicted to alcohol.”  
  
AN: SEE U FOKKING ANGELZ GO FOK URSELXXZ DATZ SERUS ISSUZ 2O GO 2 HELL!1111112


	33. Chapter 33

AN: I sed shut up itz nut my folt ok if u don’t lik da story den ur a angel so fuk u flamerz!1111 ps im nut updating ubtil u giv me fiv koduz nd diz tim I men it!111111 U SUK!1111 fangz dani 4 di help il promiz to help u wif ur story lolz1  
  
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“Oh my fuking god!1” I shooted sadly. “Shud we get u 2 the hosepital?”  
  
“Hel no!” she said. “Lizzen Carlwey, I need ur help. Nex tim u go bak in tim, do u fink u kod ask Lucifer Morningwood 4 sum help?”  
  
“Sure I said sadly. I went outside the door. Aziraphale was there!111 He wuz wearing a big whit Sting tshit which wuz his panamas.  
  
“Hey Sexxy.” I said.  
  
“How’d it go Corwley?” he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Michael Sheen when hes talking only not Welsh.  
  
“Fine.” I reponded. We stared 2 go bak in2 ma flat.  
  
“How far did u go wif Satan?” Azirafale asked jealously.  
  
“Not 2 far, lol.” I borked.  
  
“Will you hav to do it with him?” Aziraphale asked angstily.  
  
“I hop not 2 far!111” I shouted angrily. Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. I said sorry. We frenched.  
  
“What happened 2 Sandalsphone?” I growled.  
  
“U will see.” Aziraphale giggled mistressly. He opened a door……………Sandphone nd Mikel werz there!11 Famines waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a blak nife.  
  
“NOOOO PLZ!1111” Mikel bagged as Famines started 2 suk their blood. I laffed statistically. I tok some photons of him and Sandphone bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r bad nd Sandphone trid 2 hurt dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz). We took sum of Sandalsphone's blod den Azirafail and I went bak 2 my flat . We sat on my demonik blak bed. My cloves were kinda drity so I pot on a blak leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld. (if u haven’t herd of it den FUK U!111) . I put on some blak platform shoez. Azirafail put on ‘shape of my heart’ by sting. Den………………………………………….we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. I tok of his shit nd he had a tum. We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy.  
  
“Oh Aziraphale!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Aziraphale!1111” I screemed passively as he got an eructation.  
  
“I luv u AnthCrowlee.” he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol.


	34. Chapter 34

AN: SHOT DA FOK UP ANGEZ!1111 u r proly al just angelz nd posrs so FUK U!111 fangz 2 dani 4 da help!1  
  
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I wook up in da bed de next day. Aziraphale waz gone. I got up and put on blak tight sexah pnts that was all ripped at da end. There wuz red stuff going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my hips. There wuz a slit in da pants. I pot on blak stilton bo-ots. Suddenly…………………. famin cocked on da door. I hopened it.  
  
“Hi Krowley.” he said. “Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 see Horsman War.”  
  
“Ok.” I said in a deprezzd voice. I had wanted to fuk Aziraphale or maybe lessen to Queen or Velvoot Undergrund. I came anyway.  
  
“So what the fuck happened 2 Sandalsphone and Miikel?” I asked Famin flirtily.  
  
“I fucking tortured them.” he answered in a statistic way. “They r in Heel now, lol.”  
  
I laughed evilly.  
  
“Where r Aziraphale and Angelica?” I muttered.  
  
“Dey are xcused form wurk 2day.” Farming moaned sexily.  
  
We went into war's house. Horsemane Wear was there. She was wearing a demonik red dress that was all ripped all over it.

She wuz drinking some alcohol.  
  
She took out da pocketwatch.  
  
“Corlwey, you will have to do anozzer session now. Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited.” she said sadly. “Good luck. Fangz!”  
  
And then……….I jumped into the pocketwatch again. Suddenly I looked around……………I was in da Rits eating Count Chorcula. It was mourning. I was sitting next to Satan. On a table was a tall demonik person wif short whit hair, pail skin and grey eyes wering a suit and whit Cronvrese shoes. I noticed……they was drinking a oil.  
  
“Whose they!11” I asked.  
  
“Oh, datz Horseman Poolootion.” Satan said. “They're da Pollution horseman…………..Crowley?”  
  
“Yah?” I asked.  
  
“Did u know dat Freddie Mercury is playing in Soho tonight? And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat.”  
  
“Yah?”  
  
“Well…...want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?”


	35. he starts 2 houl

AN: fangz 2 endeens 4 da idea!1 u rok! fuk of angelz!11111111 fangz 2 dani 4 di help u rok gurl!1 ps im gong 2 end da stroy rlly sun so FUK U!111 oh yah nd if u no eny demonik namz plz tel me koz I ned 1 4 famin!1 fangz.  
  
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I went in2 da Book Shop finking of Satan. Suddenly I gasped………………..Aziraphale wuz there!111  
  
I grasped. He locked as hut as eva werring whit ledder pants, a whit Steeng t-shrit and eyeliner.  
  
“Aziraphale what da fuk r u dong!111111” I gosped.  
  
“Huh?” he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn’t Aziraphale. It was The Allmighty!1 She stil had two arms.  
  
“Oh hi Allmighty!1” I sed. “Im Crowley the demon lol we shook handz.”  
  
“Yah Satan told me abot you.” The Almitey said. She pinted to a groop of sexxxy demmonik guyz. They where siting in a corner. It wuz Famines, Angel's dad and………………Sandal! All of them were wearing blak eyeliner and blak Velvet Undrugground band shirts. “Lizzen I’m in a band wif those guys.” She said. “Were playing 2nite at da Queens show as back-up.  
  
“ORLY.” I ESKED.  
  
“Yeah.” She said. “Were calld XWhitXTearX. I play teh gutter. Yusuf plays da drums” She said ponting to him. “Sandal plays the boss. And Raphale plays the guitar to.”  
  
“Hey bastards.” I told them. Suddenly I gasped again. “But don’t u have a lead singer!” I asked. The Allmighty looked dawn sadly.  
  
“We uzd to but he did.”  
  
“Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1” I gasped.  
  
“Its okay but we need a new led sningler.” Raphale said.  
  
“Wel………..I said Im in a bnad myself.”  
  
“Rilly?” asked Sandal.  
  
“Yeah were called Blody Demonik Rose 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?”  
  
Yeah said everyone. So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi Stung.  
  
“I dreem uv garden in da dessert snad.” I sang sexily (I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song).. Every1 gasped.  
  
“Cowrlplu? Will u join da band? Plz!1” begged The Allmighty, Raophael, Famines and Sandal.  
  
“Um…….ok.” I shrugged. “Are we gong to play tonight?”  
  
“Yah.” they said.  
  
“Ok.” I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit. I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Dorket Whoo!1 He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans.  
  
“What da hell r u dong here!11” I asked.  
  
“I wil help u go frowad in tim Cowrley.” he said siriusly Den……….he took out a blak turdis. I went in2 it and……………………..sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111


	36. Chapter 36

AN: I sed stop flaming ok!111111111 I bet u r al proly old bllion yrs oldz!111 ps PORTERSUZ UR A ANGEL!1 o ya nd fangz 2 dani 4 di help!111 hav fun in mexica gurl!11111  
  
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I loked around in a depresed way. Suddenly I saw Hrosman Wear. Beelzeboob, Socrates and Aziraphale, Angel and Eric were their to.  
  
“OMFG Olmity I saw u nd Rapfail and Sandile nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Sandal uzd 2 b demonik!111111”  
  
“Yah I no.” Allmighty said sadly.  
  
“Oh hey there bitch.” Horsman Wra said in a demonic voice dirnking some alkahol.  
  
Hi fuker.” I said. “Lizzen, Satan asked me out to a demmonik cornet and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I’m playng in a demonic band so I need an ootfit for that too.”  
  
“Oh my satan!1” (geddit lolz koz theyre deemonik) gasped B'lzebub. “Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?”  
  
“OMFS, letz have a groop drinkin session!11” said Hosman Wra.  
  
“I can’t fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first.” said Eric.  
  
“Yah we need sum meedicine for Horsman War so she wont be adikted 2 alcohol anymore nd also………….sum luv potion 4 Corlwey.” Azeerafail said resultantly.  
  
“Well we have werk.” Eric said so let’s go.  
  
We went sexily to Wokre. But Sandal wasn’t there. Instead there was…………………………………………Shadwiwll!11111  
  
“Hey where the fuck is Gabryeil!111” Aziraphale shouted angrily.  
  
“STFU!1” shooted Sahdwll. “He is in Hill now wif Sandal and Mookel he is dumb and week. “Now do ur work!111”  
  
My friendz and I talked arngrily.  
  
“Can you BELEVE Sandal used to be deemonik!1” Angel asked surprisedly.  
  
“DATZ IT!11” SHADWELLLL SHOOTED ARNGRILY. “IM GETTING ANES NUT!111”  
  
He stomped out angrily.  
  
Mi frendz and I began talking again. I began to drink some blod mixed wif wine. Suddenly I saw Dargon in da cupboard.  
  
“WTF is she doing?” I asked. Then I looked at Aziraphale. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier den eva. Suddenly……………“DARGIN WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11” he shooted.  
  
I looked around…………….Daygone wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Aziragail and Angel started 2 smite her sexily.  
  
“God u r such a hevebnly been!1” I shooted at Daygone. Suddenly I looked ar what she was putting in da blood. It was………………Amnesia Portion!111


End file.
